Has there ever been a definitive guide written on parenting; one that every adult can turn to and learn from? A parenting bible if you like. It’s not uncommon for people to take a parenting class today. While many have preconceived ideas, a parenting class can broaden a person’s perspective on raising children. A free parenting tip if you like.

A parenting class can come in various forms with the internet opening up new avenues for  moms and dads. Many community services such as hospitals and city services can provide information on a parenting class near you.

They are excellent in the sense you get to meet other like-minded parents with one purpose in mind: to raise their children the best they can. A parenting class is a great place to “swap notes” with other parents; a free parenting tip if you like.

There are many “buzz” words in parenting today. Authoritative parenting, family parenting, co-parenting, even bad parenting. What do they all mean? Sometimes it can be a little confusing for a young couple ready to join the parenting ranks.

Christian Parenting – What’s Your View?

Christian parenting has been the cause of great debate in recent years. What’s your take on christian parenting? There are plenty of issues relating to christian parenting which many new age parents have turned away from. Basically, christian parenting revolves around the biblical command of bringing up children in the style and discipline of the Lord.

What does this mean? Growing kids God’s way; spanking, servanthood, first time obedience: most child experts have turned away from traditional christian parenting values. Why? It’s difficult to pinpoint one area but certainly the claims that children are not the center of the universe and their needs will be met; however, not necessarily when they want them met. The debate rages on.

Co-Parenting Is Popular

Co-parenting has become popular in today’s modern landscape. High divorce rates have meant parents, who once played a game of one-up-man-ship, with children caught in the middle, are now encouraged to put the child’s interest first and set aside their differences for the sake of the children.

Co-parenting has provided a child affected by divorce the opportunity to see his parents semi co-exist in a much more harmonious way. This has led to divorce becoming less of a traumatic experience for the child.

Parenting is just about every parents favorite subject. When parents get together, what’s their common denominator; children. At ParentingInfoLine.com you’ll enjoy reviews and views on most areas of parenting plus the latest parenting news.While many have preconceived ideas, a parenting class can broaden a person’s perspective on raising children. A free parenting tip if you like.

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So, let me try to briefly explain how this can happen with step-children and even with adopted children.

The most simplistic way to explain this complicated issue is through my own love of a certain kind of candy, Peanut M&M’s. Whenever and wherever I travel or speak, I always like to have Peanut M&M’s nearby. Sometimes I’ve run into a situation, however, when a similar candy, Skittles, are the only thing available. They are similar in appearance, but they aren’t the same. In fact, they actually only serve to remind me of what I could be enjoying with Peanut M&M’s.

You may ask, what do Peanut M&M’s have to do with anything? Well, let’s apply this silly analogy to your step-daughter. Let’s say she also loves Peanut M&M’s. In fact, they are her favorite candy. She gotten accustomed to having them nearby. She loves them and shares them with others, and likes knowing they are always available. Then, suddenly, her Peanut M&M’s are taken away and replaced with Skittles, another similar candy.

In this analogy, step-parents are like Skittles. The step-parent is a replacement for something your daughter longs for and loves ( her biological parent). Now, there is nothing wrong with Skittles. In fact, Skittles are a wonderful candy, just like you are surely a wonderful parent to her. They are not, however, what she longs for, maybe without even knowing it.

The point is this — it doesn’t matter that you have been a loving parent to her for many years. She still longs for her missing parent, or her perception of the way things used to be. She longs for her family to look like other families, or to have both parents together. She may even incorrectly believe that her life would be happy and free of problems if things hadn’t changed. And here’s the kicker, every time she sees you, she is reminded of what she no longer has and truly wants down deep — her birth parent.

Key Point . . . Every time she sees you, she is reminded of what
she no longer has and truly wants down deep — her birth parent.

You are a breathing, daily reminder of something your teen has lost, and still longs for. It doesn’t matter that there is nothing wrong with you, or that you might even be a better person and parent than her real parent. What matters at this stage in her life is what she perceives she’s lost. In my experience, loss is one of the most potent causes of emotional strife and behavioral problems in the adolescent years.

Mistakes Step-Parents Make

In trying to “fix” the attitudes and behavior of a wayward step-child, I often see parents try to bribe the child into better behavior or mood by giving them things, by letting them do whatever they want, nor by looking the other way when they step out of line. However, for the parent, such behavior is out of line and will ultimately lead to deeper issues for the child and the parent.

The goal for any parent, step-parent or not, is simply this: to lead a child to embrace their Maker, to develop civil behavior and to teach the child to survive and thrive in the world. Those standards are not always supported by a parent whose primary goal is to keep their children happy all the time.

The best approach to take is to maintain your proper parental role, recognizing what you can and cannot change for your teenager. For instance, you can’t change her feelings of loss, or the past decisions that affect her today. You can’t change the facts of her current circumstances. You can’t change what may have happened outside of the realm of your control.

It makes no sense to demand a step-child to stop feeling the way she does, or to constantly emphasize all you have done for her. Instead, if things are becoming difficult, find a good counselor to help her work through her loss. Eventually that will change the way she thinks and behaves. I’m not saying it will be easy but taking this approach allows you continue to deal with behavioral issues by enforcing rules and applying consequences, while a counselor deals with the emotional issues.

Even though your teen may be going through some internal issues, she should not be allowed to step over boundaries of respect and break your household rules. Boundaries in step-families can actually encourage openness, but in a respectful and self-controlled way.

Step-parents should acknowledge the fact that their teen is dealing with a sense of loss or abandonment, but that shouldn’t be a reason for backing off their parental role or becoming a whipping post. Letting the step-child know that she doesn’t have the freedom to just dump on you whenever she feels like it, and that you don’t have to answer every criticism she throws your way, defines your parental authority. And, letting her know you understand why she may be feeling angry will go a long way toward building respect between the two of you.

Take Heart

If you are in the midst of such a turmoil, take heart. Your step-child’s feelings of loss will not go on forever. The adolescent usually outgrows the inner turmoil in a few years, and can get past it even quicker if it is dealt with more directly with the help of a good counselor. But also remember this…parents who stick to their parental role and continue to demand mutual respect in the home usually come out with a stronger relationship with the child on the other side than do parents who give in and try to appease the child. And the child is more stable and more mature for it.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, national radio host, and the founder of the Heartlight Residential Counseling Center for Struggling Teens. More teen parenting articles and online audio resources can be found at http://www.MarkGregston.com

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For a first time parent like you, it is a normal process to ask other parents on some tips about parenting. Remember that like you, they once also become first time parents. It is only wise to look on how they practiced their parenting skills.

If you are not a first time parent but are still looking for some parenting tips, you are still well understood. Children like adults are shifting and dynamic. Of course they change. Your style of parenting some years ago may not work very well for their age now.

For the first time parent, parenting starts now. The foundation of a child is mostly in their formative years which are from birth to five years old. The way you raise them up during this years are very crucial. It is better to start the being a parent to them in practice now than when they become older.

For a parent for quite sometime now, repairing is harder with older kids. However, do not lose hope. As long as you are very willing to learn, you can still be the parent that you long to be.

One of the best parenting tips is to love your children equally no matter what happens. Surely, one of your kids will be better than the other in terms of school grades. The other kid will be a music lover like you unlike your other kid. The other will appreciate art better than the other. Even if they both have the same parents, kids still have different personalities. It is important to appreciate and embrace these personalities. Love them according to who they are in spite of everything, not on how you favor one over the other. Favoritism is a big family destroyer.

Second of all, proper disciplining of children is still the key to their success. One of the best things to teach a child is the value of wisdom- discerning what is right and wrong. As a parent, you hold the key in teaching these children about the value of discipline. Just remember to put disciplining in their proper timing and proper principle. To add, it is important to explain to your children why they are being disciplined for a certain shortcoming.

In addition to parenting tips, consistency is very important. This means that when you say no to something because it is harmful, make sure that it is indeed a no all the time. Children will test you and your boundaries so it is important to make your children feel that your boundaries are established and consistent.

Most importantly, enjoy and love your parenting. Savor each moment of laughs and tears. The pay back will never be in the form of bills and gold but seeing your children become the best of who they can be in the future is more than enough to keep you going in the biggest career of your life: parenting.

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If you’re struggling as bad as I was, there’s only so much you can do at once.  Start with these, and, after you have them mastered, go on to more (the links provided will take you to where you can get them).
The second positive parenting tip is so powerful, that everything else will fall into place after you’ve mastered it!

Tip number one is simply this.  If you have been really down and out as a result of your struggles with your children, you have, in all likelihood, been beating yourself up rather badly.  The more serious the problems, the harder you’ve probably been on yourself.  Whether you click on any of the links in this article or not does not matter to me as much as this one thing.  You vow to yourself, and to me (I know you don’t know me, but, believe me, I care about you!), that as of right now, you will make every effort to not put yourself down for anything that has already happened.

I can not stress enough how important this is! You may have no idea how powerful the unconscious mind is.  Let me tell you, it is very powerful, and it will keep you down, and keep you from taking positive action, and you won’t even know it.

One last point about positive parenting tip number one.  If you have made mistakes as a parent, if you have not been the perfect parent, that makes you this one thing: There’s only one thing that counts other than the here and now, and that is, what you do from here on!

Now let us move on to tip number two.  It’s a little bit involved, so I’ll offer a quick explanation here, and I’ll also give you this link, positive parenting tips for u, for you to see the detailed explanation.  Also, after you’ve read this, you will have even more reason to forgive yourself for anything that has already transpired in your parenting life!

Simply put, most, if not all of the positive child discipline techniques that we use, or any discipline techniques for that matter, That’s right, they do not work.  They don’t work, and yet, we use them because we’ve been told by every bit of information we’ve received up till now, that they are what you do as a parent.

I don’t mean to keep you in suspense.  It’s just that I get excited anytime I write about this, because once I learned this, my life changed.  The reason the parenting techniques we use don’t work, is because they cause fear in our children.  Fear causes stress, the stress causes something called cortisol to be manufactured by our body in extra amounts, and the results are:

Our children become dis-oriented.
They then act out in all the ways that we’ve seen through the years!

The gravity of this is enormous.  We’ve actually been causing them to act out.  Any time we yell at or intimidate them,  or punish them, we cause fear.  We even cause fear when we offer them rewards for doing what we ask of them.  This really goes on and on because we have taken the way we parent for granted.  There’s lots of subtle ways that we cause damage.

To get information that will help you focus on the roots of bad behavior in order to make a deep and lasting change, visit this site, positive parenting tips! If you liked this article, you can read more of my articles, as well as get links to many different parenting resources at my blog at http://youthdiscipline.com. No matter what you do, don’t give up until you’ve found a program that works for you. Good luck, and God Bless!

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Parents are those who take care of children in all the aspects all the time. They are referred as God’s representative on Earth. Parents are closest to children and acts as back bone of children. It is therefore significant for different reasons children celebrate parents day.

Parent’s day is celebrated on 4th Sunday of every July. It is the day to honor your parents by gifting them wonderful gifts. On this day children gift their parents to express love and gratitude. Parent’s day celebrations are encouraged by each and everyone. Parents are the source of hope for every child. Parents are the backbone for every child’s bright future. Parents take the responsibility to teach them everything. Its right time for the children to make the celebration memorable and special for parents on this parent’s day Children’s can take the opportunity to honor their parents by a little wish and special gifts.

 Children do their best and celebrate parent’s day to let them know without their presence in children’s life nothing is possible. Even the smallest gifts for parents are most worth because those gifts are received from their children. However there are many gift ideas for Parent’s day to make a very special parents day celebration.

Parent’s day celebrations have been gradually increased in India like other occasions. Many gift portals are promoting gift ideas for Parent’s day. Shopping through internet is very easy task by which you can select an apt gift from wide range of gift collections. Even if you are away from your parents your presence can be felt just by a wonderful gift on Parent’s day. Are you confused in selecting an apt gift for your parents? Just log on to giftagift.com and order the gift from wide range of gift collections. You can also surprise your parents by ordering the gift as mid night delivery which is available in giftagift.com.

A small gift from children values a lot for parents irrespective of the cost.

Gifting your parents is the best way to express your love.  Gifts for parents are nothing but just know the favorites of your parents and then surprise them with those wonderful gifts. Whatever the gift it may be expensive or cheap but parents feel happy when they receive it from their children. There are many gift ideas for parents. Some of the gift ideas for parents are as follows

Gift hamper for parents can also be gifted as Parent’s day gift. If you are not aware of your Parent’s choice just gift them a gift hamper so that, they can buy their own choice. Gifting hamper is also good idea for Parent’s day gifts.

Flowers are the perfect gift for any occasion. Giftagift.com offers different flavors of cakes and variety of flower arrangements. Know the favorite flavor of your parents and surprise them with a delicious cake.

Parents day in India is celebrated on forth July every year. You can honor parents on Parent’s day by gifting Parents day gifts. There are many parents day gift ideas by which parents feel happy. Gifting online is the best search for Parent’s day gift ideas. Gifts for Parent’s day can be chosen in a short time. Where ever you are your presence can be felt by sending parents gifts to India. Parents day gifts online is the best way to send gifts even if you are far away. Some of the Parent’s day gift ideas for mother are Parent’s day cards, Parent’s day cakes, Parent’s day flowers, and personalized Parent’s day gifts.

Send Parent’s day flowers to India for mother online on Parent’s day by just logging on to giftagift.com. Flowers are the best gifts for any occasion. You can choose a different variety of flower arrangements from a wide collection.

Giftagift.com is the leading gift portal for Parent’s day cakes for mother. You can find different flavors of cakes like chocolate, pineapple, black forest, and many more.

Buy a beautiful saree or shawl for your mother as Parent’s day gift. Include a flower bouquet along with shawl or saree to make the gift more effective.

Gift basket for parents can also be one of the wonderful gifts for Parent’s day. You can include all the favorites of your mother in a gift basket. A wide collection of gift basket is available which differ from each other you can pick the best one which is suitable for your mother.

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Let’s get right to it.  Positive parenting tip number one has to do with letting go of the past.  As I just said, if you are a struggling parent, you probably have a lot on your mind.  This tip can be used in a variety of ways.  Let me explain.

If you are in the midst of a parenting storm with your children, you are probably fighting just to keep your head above water, and maybe even, your family from falling apart.  underestimate how much this all may be affecting you.

Especially if you are a woman, you are probably working outside of the house, and you are the mainstay in the house.  In other words, you probably do more than half of the chores around the house, (especially if your children are very young), and you make many of the decisions pertaining to the day to day running of the house.  If you are a single parent, then your busy life probably feels out of control from time to time.

This is why parenting tip number one talks about letting go of the fact that things may not have lived up to the way you thought they would be.  You also, may not have lived up to what you thought you could do as a parent.  And because of how busy things are, you may have lived in chaos for some time now!   You have to learn to let go of all of this.  Let go of how long things haven’t been right, and how you could maybe have done more, or made better decisions, etc., etc.

tell yourself, and believe, that you have done the best you could.  If you have made mistakes, that make you just this: a human being!  However, if things need to be improved, you must also commit to taking positive action, which you are doing right now by reading this article.  You just have to keep on moving in a positive direction!

There’s so much more to be said about tip number one, but, for the sake of time, we’ll move on to positive parenting tip number two.  The second tip actually relates to the first tip, in that it actually explains why your children misbehave.  It will help relieve you of any guilt you may be having trouble letting go of.  You should make sure you are sitting down for this!

There is a reason that will explain at least 90 per cent of your child’s misbehavior.  It is a bit of story, so, for the complete version, go to

In a nutshell, you are not responsible for your child’s misbehavior because you didn’t know, until now, that your forms of child discipline were causing them to act up.  When you yell at, scream at, embarrass, or punish your children, it causes them fear and stress.  Even when you use a system of rewards, this can cause them stress because they fear not successfully completing the task!  This all then causes extra cortisol to be made up and sent to the brain, which in turn, causes them to act up more.

We yell at them before and after they act up, and it all causes them to act up even more.  When I first learned about this it all made sense, and I wondered why I hadn’t thought of it before.  I also felt bad because I was actually perpetuating this cycle, which makes positive parenting tip number one handy.

One more major point.  This information is vital to act on because the long term effects of cortisol can be devastating.  Teenage delinquency and sociopathic behavior and tendencies can result from continued exposure to extra cortisol!

To learn more about cortisol, and to get more help or visit You will get so many parenting resources, you won’t know which to try first!  Good luck, and God Bless!

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To encourage good study habits in a child, model good work behavior, provide a quiet study area, make sure the child has all required supplies, and make sure the child is home in time to do homework. Prove the resources necessary for a child to study with help from a clinical psychologist in this free video on parenting. Expert: Deborah Wheeler Bio: Dr. Deborah Wheeler is a clinical psychologist and the vice president of academic affairs at Argosy Univeristy in Salt Lake City, Utah. Filmmaker: Michael Burton
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Adolescence is a time when feelings and thoughts of sexuality become intense and confusing. For many gay teens, feeling different from their friends creates a pressure to fit in and keep their sexual orientation secret. They can fear rejection, discrimination and even violence. It is important to create a space of safety and acceptance for them to better understand their feelings.

The process of coming out usually starts with the sharing of feelings with a close friend or family member. Although coming out is a normal step in the development of a gay or lesbian adolescent, many different issues can come to the forefront for your child including:

•    Questioning their sexual identity. Am I gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
•    Who can I trust in this process?
•    Will my family and friends accept this new information?
•    Am I ready to be sexually active?
•    Will I be safe sharing this information with others?

With all of these questions and others filling a gay teen’s thoughts, it may be challenging to come out in a well thought out and structured manner. The coming out conversation may be a reaction to other issues or may be presented in a confrontational manner.

As parents it is important to create a supportive environment for your gay or lesbian teen to speak about what’s going on with them. It is just as hard for them to share this new identity with you as they are still often questioning their own perspectives. When your teenager shares that they are gay, lesbian, or bisexual:

•    Try to stay calm. This is probably a moment of shock for all of you. Leave space for it to sink in without having to react immediately.
•    Let them know that you understand how hard this conversation is for them.
•    Don’t expect them to have all the answers about what it means to be gay for them.
•    Know that your own personal beliefs may be challenged in this moment but it is still the same child whom you love sitting across from you.
•    Consider family therapy or individual therapy with a qualified counselor who works with gay teens and their families during the coming out process.
•    If you have questions about their sexuality, educate yourself. The Internet is a great source of information on the subject. There are also many books available on the subject. Most cities also have a local chapter of PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians And Gays), which offers a variety of resources and information.

A challenge for parents in being available for their gay teens coming out process is being able to express and address their own fears, concerns, and emotional experience. Parents have often projected a future dream of weddings, grandchildren and traditional development for their child. Realizing that this dream may not come about in the manner they anticipated can shake parents up and bring many questions to the forefront.

Parents may need help for themselves while going through the coming out process with their gay or lesbian teenager. Working with a therapist who specializes in assisting gay teens and their families can be of benefit in relieving parent’s fears and stress. Therapy also provides a forum for parents to ask questions and gather information, while easing their emotional distress.

One of the biggest concerns of any teen in the process of coming out is whether their parents will accept them for who they are. Listen to their feelings as they share this new part of themselves. Although it may feel uncomfortable for all of you at first, an acceptance of their newly shared identity can develop over time creating a stronger family and a more open relationship based on truth and understanding.

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Check out: www.Parenting-Your-Teen.com for more info. —————————————- Tags your parenting solutions teenage parenting parenting teenagers Parenting teens is a monumental task, with a few parenting bumps in the road and many rewards. Parents of teens can find help with all aspects of parenting Parenting Teens – Parents of Teenagers Find Help Raising Teens The most common issues between parents and teens arise due to poor communication , power struggles and a lack of empathy. If you use the same Secrets for Handling Difficult Teen Parenting Situations Parenting courses and programs Active Parenting of Teens ….. BC Council for Families, Parenting Teens Series Parents are often afraid of the teenage years, but they can be the most rewarding years of all parenting teenagers Complete guide to parenting teenagers including adolescent development, health & safety issues, relationships, sexuality, driving, school problems Raising Successful Teenagers Makes complex theory simple, and explains how to make, maintain, repair and strengthen relationships with teenagers Focus Adolescent Services: Parenting Teens A kind, warm, solid relationship with parents who demonstrate respect for their children, an interest in their children’s activities Parenting teenagers can be frustrating. Free articles, tips and solutions parents of teens can apply today, plus tools to help with all aspects of raising Parenting Teenagers -Raising Teens Improve Parenting Skills …
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            Today, the one and the only question that is in the minds of everybody is “where are the youth of this generation going?” as the lifestyle and values of the youth is bothering the society to say the least. Though the  problems created by the youth and the problems faced by them are innumerable, it is not the state of affairs of the youth alone that is causing anxiety. The baby on its way into this world, new born babies and the children in different stages of growth  also face and cause problems. While trying to find the root cause of the problem it is the parents who are blamed for it, most of the time.   Though they are not the sole cause, they have a major role to play.   Their success in parenting depends on the kind of parents they are, their environment, the support from the family, the possibility of getting trained for parent hood, the level of education, the nature of the child concerned etc.,. The problems, mostly psychological, would vanish with proper  parenting.  In the early days, people mostly lived in joint families.  The experience and advice the young parents received from the elders, parents, aunts, grand parents, uncles, guided them in the process of parenting.  The children also had many people to support them, to allow them to vent their feelings and  to learn the probable ways of findings solutions to their problems.

            While talking to a group of adolescent girls shocking messages came to light.   Many of the adolescent girls were having illicit relationship with auto drivers with whom they were coming to school.   Deeper analysis brought out the fact that these girls were longing for love from their parents.    When an iota of love or something akin to it is shown by the auto driver, they easily fall a prey to the former’s devious designs; of course they suffer later when they find it difficult to extricate themselves from the driver’s clutches.    Only the parents can help these children.    One of the great, noble traits of parenthood is love  and that alone can cure many ills faced by the children and youth. It can help the girls to retrieve themselves1.

            In yet another instance, a 5 years old orphan boy in a care centre for the AIDS infected persons   stunned the onlookers by saying that if his father had had proper parenting, he would not have gone astray and ended with AIDS, infecting his mother too2. Even this small lad knows the importance of parenthood.   Everyone knows about parenting and follow the kind of parenting demonstrated by their parents or that which they have learnt through courses or training or advice given by psychologists or gurus.

            Just as there are different types of human beings, there are different types of styles of parents.    The parents’ style influences the level and kind of development of the child.    Whatever may be the style of parenting the essentials to be looked into are, “Express your love, make your child feel secure. Build their self-esteem. Stay flexible and recognize the time for change as your child grows. Communicate openly and honestly and be confident  in your own ability”3. When you talk to your child, you should be actually listening not just hearing.

            There are different types of parenting, such as “Authoritative, Authoritarian, Permissive4”.   Parents who are very clear about their role and give instructions with confidence can be considered as Authoritative.   The Reader’s Digest Great Dictionary of the English language shows that authoritative means commanding and self confident, while authoritarian implies, favoring or enforcing strict obedience to authority5.  It is similar to dictatorship.

            Another variety of parenting is known as permissive.  These parents allow their children to follow their own path, mostly non-interfering.   It is similar to saying, “let the sleeping dogs lie” as they are.   These parents do not want to follow any strict rules or take up much responsibility in bringing up their children.   There is another mode of classifying the parents.   According to this classification, there are three types of parents, such as Consultant, Helicopter, Dull Sergeants6.

1.

The Love and Logic parent provides messages of personal worth and strength

1.

provides messages of weakness and low personal worth

1.

provides messages of low personal worth and resistance

2.

The Love and Logic parent very seldom mentions responsibilities

2.

makes excuses for the child, but complains about mishandled responsibilities

2.

makes lots of demands and has lots of expectations about responsibility.

3.

The Love and Logic parent demonstrates how to take care of self and be responsible

3.

“takes on” the responsibility of the child

3.

tells the child how he /she should handle responsibility

4.

The Love and Logic parent shares personal feelings about own performance and responsibilities

4.

protects the child from any possible negative feelings

4.

tells the child how he / she should feel

5.

The Love and Logic parent provides and helps child explore alternatives and then allows child to make his / her own decision

5.

makes decisions for the child

5.

provides absolutes : “This is the decision you should make”.

6.

The Love and Logic parent provides “time frames” in which child may complete responsibilities

6.

provides no structure, but complaints, “After all I’ve done for you…”

6.

demands that jobs or responsibilities be done now

7.

The Love and Logic parent models doing a good job, finishing, cleaning up, feeling good about it.

7.

whines and uses guilt : “When are you ever going to learn.   I always have to clean up after you.”

7.

issues orders and threats: “You get that room cleaned up or else…”

8.

The Love and Logic parent often asks self, “Who owns the problem?” helps the child explore solutions to his / her problem

8.

whines and complains about having an irresponsible child who causes “me” much work and responsibility

8.

takes over ownership of the problem using threats and orders to solve the problem

9.

The Love and Logic parent uses lots of actions, but very few words

9.

uses lots of words and actions that rescue or indicate that the child is not capable or responsible

9.

uses lots of harsh words, very few actions

10.

The Love and Logic parent allows child to experience life’s natural consequences and allows them to serve as the teacher

10.

protects child from natural consequences, uses guilt as the teacher

10.

uses punishment; pain and humiliation can serve as the teacher.

Source: http://www.loveandlogic.com/pdfs/threetypes.pdf

One way to identify the kind of parents is by analyzing the kind of gifts they give to their children in order to make them do any specific activity.  Some parents have a survival mentality; they give their child “whatever” just to make them do the job. Some parents operate with a default mentality.    They give their child what is popular without considering whether it will be the most helpful. In actual practice the parent should be operating deliberately and purposefully, giving the child what is useful after carefully thinking through.    They are usually known as “intentional parents” 7.   Depending on what kind or type of parents they are, the goals, and gifts also change.    In the case of permissive parents, the guiding motive will be, “If I can just make it through the child – rearing years, I can get my life back”.   Their goal will be “jilting the kids out of the house”.  They follow the easiest method of doing whatever is easy to do.  Hence, they use bribes, threats and use TV as a baby sitter8.

            On the other hand, those “who want to give the child what will be best and most helpful for him”, will have the goal of preparing the child for life as a productive adult. They would spend quality time with the child, imparting ethical values to the child.  The gifts given by such parents would be, “religious books, enjoyable pastimes, academics, home skills and chances for socialization” 9.

            If a child is to be successful in life, the appropriate parental care is necessary.    But, of course, there are children who grow up into successful adults, in spite of defective parenting.   But such cases are very rare.   The society at present is facing problems of parenting especially in the case of single parent, divorced parents, simple and extended families. Most of the children brought up by single parent and unmarried mothers, find it difficult to cope with the pressures in the family and society.

            With, hectic work schedule of the parents, the heavy load of learning coupled with  many distractions and the problems faced by the society, the children are looking for the support of their parents for a secure life.    It is ordinarily observed that parenting without proper foundation has always and indefinitely led to confusions in  child development.    What is essential is

Ø  Developing and clarifying clear communicative expectations.

Ø  Staying calm in the midst of turmoil

Ø  Encouraging positive consequences and consistency.

Ø  Being the role model to your child.

Ø  Effective praising.10

To be a successful parent discipline is necessary.  At the same time, there should be consistency in whatever the parents are saying and doing, parents should have a preplanned, pre-developed strategy to teach proper behaviour to the child. That is, both the parents,or the single parent should make their expectations clear to the child. , Both of them can sail smoothly while bringing up their child.    They should be very specific and firm in teaching their children. Moreover, the parents must take into consideration the child’s age, ability, developmental status and the resources that are available for the family.11   Once the expectations are clearly stated, it is necessary that both the parents should communicate it to the child, without contradictions.    In addition to these, there should be frequent family ‘get togethers’.  Instead of punishing the child for not abiding by the expectations, it will be better to have discussions to clear the child’s doubts and parents being role models.

            Ray Burke states that “Children can be sarcastic, defiant, rebellious and possibly violent, parents have to prepare themselves for times like these and learn to keep cool” 12.   Yet another way to increase or encourage desirable behavior is to use positive consequences.    What the parents should remember is to use the positive consequences that would work with the child.   While developing a child’s behavior the parents should remember “consistency”.    Consistency is the key to being a successful parent.    This gives the message to the child that “your parents are reliable and serious”.

            The most important aspect of successful parents is that the parents should be role model for their child 13. The parent should be a positive role model for their child to follow.    As Ray Burke say, “Praise is powerful…. Praise is nourishment.   It helps in the emotional development.  It helps in building up self-esteem, belief of personal satisfaction, feeling of security.”14    The praise should be communicated to the child either verbally or through action.

Ø  Discipline

Ø  Education

Ø  Finance

With the social changes,  the extended family that existed earlier, which played the vital role of a model, a shock absorber, a vent for relieving one’s feelings has become a thing of the past.   Hence, the parents of the modern era have to learn creative ways of bringing up their children.   It is found that the most important but controversial parenting skills is DISCIPLINE.   Whether the method is, redirection, time-outs, loss of privileges, grounding, extra chores, or sparking, the parents should embrace their role to train their children to become moral and respectable adults15. The second skill to be acquired by the parents is regarding education.  The parents should also be educating their children in moral values.   The child’s education should take into consideration certain important facts16:

v  Family’s financial status.

v  Quality of local public and private schools.

v  Level of parental education.

v  Personalities of parents and children.

v  Home schooling support and resources.

v  The involvement of the parents in the child’s education.

Besides education, one of the important parenting skills is the effective way of dealing with financial issues.    The demand for expenditure for rearing the child, medical, hygienic needs etc. are soaring high today.     Hence, a successful parent should know what is essential and what is not before deciding upon the expenditure of the limited resources.

            There is no doubt that children bring us much joy and much responsibility.   Most of the stress and worry of bringing them up can be reduced or removed with proper, careful planning.    The parents should plan when to have a child.   The working mother, if she is to stay at home, once the child is born, should plan earlier to save as much as possible and cut down the family expenditure.   Both the parents have to plan to set aside enough time to be with the child, not only when it is a baby, but till the child becomes an adult.

             The parents, need not be only the problematic, should avail of training in parenting skill as much as possible. First of all, both parents should have a congenial and frank communication between them.   Only then, once the child comes into the family, they will be able to communicate with the child easily.   Further the “ego”, the concept of “I” should be relegated to the background.    It is possible that the child becomes sick at times mildly, at times seriously.    Both the parents should take responsibility of looking after the child, not blaming each other as the cause of sickness.    The child rearing, though filled with difficulties, hurdles and events that test one’s tolerance, is undoubtedly a pleasure.  It is a joy.   A successful parent should know how to smile.    That will reduce the stress and pain of the child.    As it grows into adolescent stage, the skills of the parents should be developed further.    They should know more about the physique, the psychology and mental development of the child.

            It should be remembered that the requisites of  an effective parent are dedication, attention, love and constant denial of easily administering swift punishment. Though parenting is time consuming, the fruits are very attractive.    The future generation and its success depends on the effective, successful and cheerful parents of today to a great extent.

1.       Author’s personal experience

2.       Ibid.

3.       http://www.raisingkids.co.uk 10.14.2008

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/614981/authoritative_authoritarian_and_permissive.html
The Great Dictionary of English Language (Readers Digest Association Limited, London, 2003) p.56, 57
Three Types of Parents: Love and Logic institute – www.loveandlogic.com 1981.
http://intentionalparents.com/types-of-parents/ p.1
Ibid. p.2.
Ibid.p.2
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Below you will find my top 7 tips for good parenting. These tips inspire children to want to be well behaved, can reduce family fights and boost family joy.

Good Parenting Tip #1 – If you love your kids—put yourself first!

One of the best things we can do for our children is to give them a foundation for becoming a happy and healthy adult. Self-care should not be a luxury for parents—it needs to become a necessity. You need self-care both for being a good parent and a healthy and balanced human being. Far too many children are living with parents who are stressed out and frankly, not at all fun to be around. If you are repeatedly burning the midnight oil, you may be on the brink of parent burnout—not a pleasant thing for you or your family to experience.

Good Parenting Tip #2 – If married—put your marriage before your kids!

Most of us have heard of Generation X and Generation Y. But did you realize that Generation S—Generation Spoiled—is on the rise? Many children today are raised with an unhealthy sense of entitlement because their parents have made them the center of the universe. With divorce statistics still hovering around 50%, children are far too often coping with unhappy, failing marriages and divorce– much worse for them than missing out on a couple of toys or brand name jeans. Take a stand and put some time into your marriage (like go on a date night)—for your whole family’s sake!

Good Parenting Tip #3 – Cherish your children

No matter what your situation—no matter how often your children drive you crazy—know there are thousands of people in this world who would gladly trade places with you. There are couples who would give anything to just have a child. Strive to remember how truly fortunate you are. Hug your children at least three times a day. Regularly tell them how grateful you are to have the opportunity to be their parent.

Good Parenting Tip #4 – Teach your kids to fish—don’t fish for them!

Many parents do everything for their kids. This only robs their children of the opportunity to learn self-reliance—which is vital to building their self-esteem. One of the best things you can do is to help your kids learn how to do things for themselves. One of the chapters of my first book on effective parenting is called “How To Get Your Kids Doing Their Chores Smiling”. Some parents think I am from another planet when I even suggest that kids can learn to do chores with a smile on their face. These same doubting parents are often happily surprised when they see it is possible—in their own home and in this century! Household chores teach basic life skills everyone needs to know. Also, chores give children the opportunity to contribute to the household in a positive and meaningful way.

Good Parenting Tip #5 – Focus on what you like, not on what you don’t

If children aren’t being appreciated and aren’t getting attention for what they do well—and when they behave well—you better believe they will learn to get attention for not behaving well. The more you notice what you like about what they’re doing, the less likely they are to morph into destructive little terrors and the more likely you will inspire your child to repeat the good behaviors and achievements you love.

Good Parenting Tip #6 – Give respect and expect it in return

Don’t do anything to your child that you wouldn’t want your child to do to you. The list of things you don’t want to be doing includes: yelling, hitting, spitting, and put downs. There are far better ways for you to handle conflict, stress and common misbehaviors. Commit to learning these “Ultimate Parenting” tools that are based on mutual respect—not fear based punishment that only teaches our kids to not get caught next time!

Good Parenting Tip #7 – A family that plays together stays together!

Have fun—play with your kids. Laughing, tickling, and enjoying one another’s company is the foundation of a happy home. Having fun can go a long way towards preventing much of the needless conflict and behaviors that drive you crazy. It also provides your family with much needed quality time.

These seven effective parenting tips above are child-proofed, effective and fun. By taking the time to learn how to bring out the best in you and in your children, you will reap the rewards that come from the peace of mind—knowing that you did all you could to support and nurture a happy and healthy family life.

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The one set of values and principles that should never change is the foundation that a parent is parenting out of. Every parent has a foundation and a set of values that parent from. This foundation was passed down from their parents, or they simply live it on their own. In order to effectively lay the foundation for parenting teens, we will look at the three most important aspects. They are your value system, understanding that your teen has needs and identifying them, and realizing that your response to every situation is the most critical and the most important aspect of raising your struggling teen.

Parents of troubled teens need a value system. All parents already have one, and might just be unaware of it. First lets locate and identify your value system. In order to learn about your value system start by identifying some of your common family rules. One common rule might be cleaning your room or the house. Take that rule and ask why. Why do we clean our house? Why do we clean our rooms? Some answers might be, because you don’t want bugs in your house from leaving it such a mess. Or, you don’t want the leftovers to smell up the whole house after they rot. Those are values. You value not living in an insect-infested home. You value nice smells and scents in your home.

Take your values and a make a list of them. Sit down with your teen and begin to communicate these with him or her. Have them understand the value behind the rule. You will probably even find that some of your house rules have no value behind them. Those are the rules where parents always say, “because I said so, that’s why you’re doing it”. But, why are they doing it? They want to know why. They want to know the value behind it, and your teen deserves to know the values that their parents operate in.

Now I am not saying that by communicating these values with your teen that it will be a win-win all around. What you have now is a moral compass for your family, and you know what direction you are heading, together. That compass will guide your entire family as you battle life. One more illustration to identify and communicate values is as follows:

Parents of teens do not want their teen cussing them out and yelling at them. When a teen is behaving this way, a parent should ask themselves why their teen is doing that. Maybe, the parent realizes that they talk that way and that’s where their teen learned it. Or, maybe the rule of “no cussing and yelling at each other” isn’t backed by any value. It’s just a rule that you have to follow “because I said so”. Why doesn’t your family cuss and yell at each other? Some values behind that rule is that it makes you feel degraded and low. It ruins self-confidence in a person to be yelled and cussed at. Yelling and cussing at each other also builds aggression and anger. We don’t like being angry or aggressive at each other. Those are some great values to live in.

So, take time to identify your values. Write them down. Communicate them with your whole family. When situations arise, or when new circumstances transpire, you know what direction your family is heading because of your values.

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